God began his day making a tree...
He changed his mind and, instead, made me...
My roots go deep into the ground...
Seeking treasures that were never meant to be found
I looked up and saw this beautiful radiant cloud
Dancing in the skies...laughing aloud
I realized that I was anchored and she was free
Every breath of wind took her away from me
Fly away little cloud...fly away if the need be...
When you are ready...come back and rain down upon me
5 comments:
At the first read, to be honest I wasn't impressed. the first 4 lines seemed incoherent with the rest. But then after reading it carefully I understood what you intended to create. At first you start with comparing yourself to a tree. Steady, internally-involved, intrigued, struggling with our your thoughts. And the contrast with the cloud is prominent. The following lines create beauty step by step. Loved the last line.
btw, all your poems are densed into one stanza. Is there a reason you do that ?
I kinda wrote it on a chat conversation with someone...so the lack of coherence is because I had a lot to say in very little time. Skipped huge chunks of time to get it down on screen :)
Yes - I am a tree in every way you interpreted. Just imagine seeing the world around you and being rooted to the ground...unable to move...to act.
The cloud is up there in the sky. Can it really see me down here in this forest? Does it even want to? I am just a tree after all...
Perhaps the cloud will see and that is where the "rain down upon me" line completes the story.
I don't really believe a poem requires structure or form. Most of my work doesn't even rhyme. I often find myself struggling to rhyme and I hate myself for even trying. Once the pen hits the paper - thoughts have to flow...Unhindered.
Cheers! :)
I don't think creation needs structure, on the contrary ....
But in poetry, I'm moved by musicality , a sense of rhythm that can be created without the use of rhyming words. But every mind interprets beauty differently , so there you are.
No intelligent critique to offer unfortunately..
But I love it
And Ive come to realise you can only make sense in writing
Hi,
Have posted your poem on my blog here: http://ihrishi.blogspot.com/. And also linked it back to your blog.
Do let me know if its ok with you, else will remove it.
Thanks!
Cheers,
Hrishi
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